Learning to Be Content

Since becoming a mom, I have struggled between my old life as a career woman and now my new life as a stay-at-home mom. Career vs. stay-at-home. I love the flexibility of being at home with my kids, but also miss getting out for adult conversation and for something that's just mine.

I recently had to make a decision that involved my family and my small business adventure. After discussing with Duane the past year of the adventure and its feasibility for the upcoming year, we decided it would be better for me to let go of the small business and be strictly at home with the kids. I loved the adventure selling country decor, which I happen to love, and having something that was mine outside the house.  Duane's farming schedule doesn't allow much room for planning ahead and parenting, especially in the busy times (9 months of the year). As much as I wanted to continue on the business adventure, I chose to be at home with my family, the best choice for me now. I put my heart into the business and enjoyed every minute of it. Inside, I feel like a failure and am disappointed in myself. Why can't I do it all? I'm super mom, aren't I? Reality is, I can't have everything I want and doing what is best doesn't make me a failure. I don't want to disappoint those around me, my family or my business friend. I'm a people-pleaser by nature. This internal struggle is exhausting and tearing me apart.

With that being said, I'm going to move forward in my life as a mom and learn to be content with where God has me right now. He's put me here for a reason, so I'm going to embrace it and learn to enjoy every moment, no matter what it is. Every time I try to go it alone, it becomes this frustration and internal struggle that tears me apart. When I listen to Him I have peace. I know He has plans for my future, but that is the future. I'm going to focus on the here and now, take a deep breath, and be content.