Learning to Be Content

Since becoming a mom, I have struggled between my old life as a career woman and now my new life as a stay-at-home mom. Career vs. stay-at-home. I love the flexibility of being at home with my kids, but also miss getting out for adult conversation and for something that's just mine.

I recently had to make a decision that involved my family and my small business adventure. After discussing with Duane the past year of the adventure and its feasibility for the upcoming year, we decided it would be better for me to let go of the small business and be strictly at home with the kids. I loved the adventure selling country decor, which I happen to love, and having something that was mine outside the house.  Duane's farming schedule doesn't allow much room for planning ahead and parenting, especially in the busy times (9 months of the year). As much as I wanted to continue on the business adventure, I chose to be at home with my family, the best choice for me now. I put my heart into the business and enjoyed every minute of it. Inside, I feel like a failure and am disappointed in myself. Why can't I do it all? I'm super mom, aren't I? Reality is, I can't have everything I want and doing what is best doesn't make me a failure. I don't want to disappoint those around me, my family or my business friend. I'm a people-pleaser by nature. This internal struggle is exhausting and tearing me apart.

With that being said, I'm going to move forward in my life as a mom and learn to be content with where God has me right now. He's put me here for a reason, so I'm going to embrace it and learn to enjoy every moment, no matter what it is. Every time I try to go it alone, it becomes this frustration and internal struggle that tears me apart. When I listen to Him I have peace. I know He has plans for my future, but that is the future. I'm going to focus on the here and now, take a deep breath, and be content.

Believing

A family that is really close to me is going through the biggest nightmare of their lives. Their 4 year old son is battling a rare type of cancer and modern medicine is giving them little hope for recovery. I am STANDING with them and BELIEVING that God will perform a miracle in this little boy. I have been awakened several times throughout the night in the past week by God as a prompt to be praying for this boy and his family. Last night I sat in brokenness on my bed in prayer to God for this family. As I prayed Matthew 11:27-29 (Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light), I felt the burden I had been carrying lift off my shoulders. I asked God to take my yoke and for me to take His, and just as quickly as the words came out of my mouth, the burden was lifted. I want to fix this situation, to take away the pain that this family is feeling, but it's not up to me. I can't physically do that. What I can do is give it to God. I can petition Him for healing for this boy and wait for Him to act. I put my HOPE in Him. I put my TRUST in Him. That is all I can do.

Here I Am

Well, it's only taken me several months to get to this point (do you sense my sarcasm?). I have been meaning to start a blog, but life always seems to get in the way. It's time for some accountability and this happens to be it.

I'm not always good a sharing my heart out loud. I prefer to write it on paper. It seems to come out better that way.  That's why I decided to start writing here. I want to share my thoughts with you about my life as a child of God, a wife, a mom, a friend, and the list goes on. I want to share the insight I gain as I develop my relationships.

You're probably wondering where the name of my blog came from. My good friend, who happens to be a writer, had to help me out here as I was stumped. Only two words came to mind: Transparent and Truth. I want to be transparent in my relationships. No hiding and no secrets. And I want for people to know the Truth about Christ. That's when my friend suggested Transparent Truth...and there you have it!

As I follow the path of transparency, I encourage you to tell me your thoughts. God has shown me so much in my short time here on this earth. I can't imagine how many more things He will reveal as I take the time to sit and listen to Him. I'm excited for the journey!